Build up self-esteem: 7 ways to stop feeling inadequate
How can you build up self-esteem when it is constantly knocked by the media?
Have you noticed how many advertisements set out to make us feel inadequate? They suggest that the items they are selling, whether it be make-up, perfume or shoes will improve us. This presumes, therefore, that we need improving. This is not the case. We are already adequate.
Usually, what needs improving is our self-esteem and self-confidence. The confidence to trust ourselves, to believe in our own beauty and to know that we are worthwhile.
Advertisements are not helping us to build up self-esteem they are wearing our self-esteem away. The result of this is that we shop more, we become more worried about our appearance, and we get ourselves into debt in our search to feel good about ourselves.
Here are some tips on how to feel good about yourself and build up self-esteem. They will cost you nothing.
Yes, free ways that you can build up self-esteem and feel good about yourself - and all without needing to go anywhere – except inside yourself.
Why? Because that is where your beauty and self-esteem are already waiting for you.
Do you fail to match up when you see beautiful women in advertisements? Build up confidence and self-esteem with our 6 CDs: "Confidence for women".
Build up self-esteem tip 1: Perfection doesn't exist - stop trying to be perfect.
You don't have to have hair a certain colour, or a flawless skin, or a man or woman hanging off you to be the perfect person. Why? Because there is no such thing as a perfect person.
There is no person in this world who is perfect, NO ONE. Not your mum, your priest or your celebrity film star. No one is perfect.
The advertisements are lying to you and have been lying to you for years. Advertisers want you to feel inadequate and pretend that perfection exists so that you'll buy from them and make them rich. They have been wearing away at your self-esteem and self-confidence for years, and they have been so successful that you have started seeking something that doesn't exist: perfection.
Build up self-esteem now and stop searching for perfection. Be yourself.
Do you try to be perfect? Build up confidence and self-esteem with our 6 CDs: "Confidence for women".
Build up self-esteem tip 2: Confidence is a skill that you can learn.
We can all learn to be confident. Confidence is not something that you are either born with or without. Confidence is a skill that you can learn. What you do can make you feel inadequate or can build your self-esteem.
There are many techniques that you can employ that can help you be confident. The choice is yours and only yours. Learn the skills and become confident and your self-esteem will grow.
Build up self-esteem tip 3: Stop saying bad things about yourself.
We don’t have to earn a lot of money, we don’t have to have long legs and we don’t have to have had a great upbringing. What we have to do is to stop telling ourselves that we are worthless, or not good or don’t deserve better.
Self-esteem is destroyed when you say bad things to yourself about yourself and you BELIEVE them.
If you want to build up self-esteem, stop believing bad things about yourself. Yes, you can stop doing this – it just takes practice, like learning to drive a car, playing the piano or learning to read – it takes practice. What you say to yourself about yourself is your choice.
The other day I was working with a woman who wanted to become confident when speaking in public. She started off by telling me, "I hate public speaking. I am no good at it. I will never be any good at it. I always blush. I guarantee I will go crimson. I'll never change. I'll never like public speaking."
Guess what? She was absolutely right.
While she tells herself this, she will not become more confident nor build up self-esteem around public speaking. She was destroying her self-esteem sentence by sentence.
Even after spending a day trying out new strategies, she still said at the end, "I hate public speaking. I will always go crimson and I'll never get any better."
This was despite the fact that other people in the room could see that she had improved and told her so. She was doing this to herself.
All she needed to do was to monitor what she was saying, and to then stop herself, laugh and say, "Listen to me pulling myself down. I'll stop. Yes, I can improve. I will improve. Let me try again." Then she could feel better about herself and build up self-esteem and with it her public speaking confidence.
Are you sabotaging your public speaking confidence with negative talk? We show you how to stop it on our 2 CD set: "Confidence for women in public speaking".
Build up self-esteem tip 4: Start believing in yourself.
Self-esteem builds when you say positive things about yourself to yourself. Say polite, kind things to yourself about yourself. Make this a habit and build up self-esteem. Make the comments true – don't start boasting or bragging because then you won't believe yourself. Simply say believable kind things about yourself.
It might be as simple as, "The dog enjoyed going for a walk with me today. I feel good after the exercise. Good on me for bothering to exercise, not everyone does. I deserve an early night in bed. I am worth looking after".
Or it might be, "The customer at work was pleased when I finished his job on time. I can be relied upon to get a job finished."
Build up self-esteem by acknowledging the good things you do.
Build up self-esteem tip 5: Learn to accept compliments.
Many people I come across ignore compliments. One of the women on the "Confidence for women in social situations" CDs, Paraska, told me that she never accepted compliments. She also said she was destroyed by negative comments.
Did this build up self-esteem for her? No! Guess what it did to her self-esteem? It killed it. She didn't even give herself a chance to feel adequate. She was on the path to self-destruction.
I taught her to listen out for compliments and to simply say, "Thank you."
If you want to build up self-esteem you can do it too. When someone says something nice about you, instead of dismissing it, simply stop for a moment and say, "Thank you."
Learn to hear the good things people say about you. Learn to say thank you. And you will feel better and so will the person who said them.
When you build your self-esteem other people benefit too.
Do you dismiss compliments people give you? Learn how to accept them. We show you how on our 2 CD set: "Confidence for women in social situations and everyday life".
Build up self-esteem tip 6: Kindness and generosity can build up self-esteem and beauty.
Being kind to people, giving them unexpected presents, doing something for them that makes their life easier – can all bring joy and help you feel more adequate. The joy does not just belong to the person receiving it but to the giver, i.e. you.
So if you feel bad about yourself – go and do something kind for someone and watch the effect you have on people. Their joy can become your joy. Their confidence can become your confidence. Their self-esteem can grow while you build yours.
I will always remember one night being at a friend's place, her husband was seriously ill and she had been on an emotional roller coaster of despair for months.
At the end of the night she came up and said how wonderful my blouse was – it was full of sparkling colours and was bright turquoise.
I said, "Why don’t you try it on?" I took it off and she put it on. Well it fitted her perfectly and she loved it. So I said, "I want you to have it." "I can't take it from you" she protested. However, everyone rallied round and supported her in taking it – and in the end she was laughing and laughing, and I went home minus my best blouse!
What was wonderful was that I was also laughing about it for days - I was as delighted as she was. I had brought just a tiny ray of sunshine into her world. Did I feel good about myself? You bet!
Do kind things and it will help you to feel good about yourself.
When you smile, laugh and feel good about yourself your skin can glow! How beautiful is that? Build up self-esteem by being generous to others.
Build up self-esteem tip 7: Say thank you for what you DO have.
So often we feel inadequate because we focus on what we don't have, on what we think is missing in our lives. This only makes us feel worse and lowers our self-esteem. Instead, start looking around and seeing what you do have.
Do you have legs that can walk or eyes that can see? Then you are one of the lucky ones. Say thank you.
Do you have a roof over your head, a flushing toilet and water to drink, then you are one of the lucky ones. Say thank you.
Do you have friends, or a pet, or a garden? Then you are one of the lucky ones. Say thank you.
When you focus on what you do have you will feel more confident and more adequate. There are simple easy steps you can take to build your self-esteem right now.
Do you suffer from low self-esteem? Listen to a series of interviews with six real and inspiring women. They tell you how to build your self-esteem and confidence: Confidence for women in social situations and everyday life.
Beauty is inside all of us and so is self-esteem. Build up self-esteem now and feel good, really good about yourself. What are you waiting for? What step will you now take to build up self-esteem?
Written by Rachel Green: Motivational Speaker | Award-winning Communication Specialist | Confidence Coach.
Do you want your people to sparkle with confidence and self-esteem? If so, Rachel has the ideal speech and talk for you or your next conference or event: "Sparkling with confidence".
She is also the author of the 6 CDs: "Confidence for women". They will help you build up self-esteem.
Copyright Confident Woman Australia, 2010.
NB: This article is general information only and is not provided as an alternative to obtaining professional advice from an appropriately qualified professional. Please seek any individual help you need.
Rachel Green
Reader Comments (2)
Chris.
I am wondering if one is more important than another, what do you think?
I am thinking that if the internal factors were strong and we had a strong self-esteem internally then we would be less battered and affected by the external factors.
Conversely, if our internal sense of self was low and our internal self-esteem was low then we would be more affected by the external factors and feel worse than if we had a high self-esteem inside.
Also if we have a high internal self-esteem we would be more resilient in recovering from the external factors.