Women's self-esteem beats sexism
Sexism is still alive and well in the working woman's world in Australia. It may be legislated against but that doesn't stop it from happening, particularly in subtle forms. What matters is that we can stop it from affecting our self esteem.
Yesterday I was due to give a radio interview. Nothing unusual in that, I give them regularly. I was up early and sitting by the phone ready for action. But it didn't ring. I waited. I waited some more. I waited and checked the email. Yes, I had the right time. Yes, I'd given my silent home phone number and my mobile phone number. Still no call came.
Later on, I showered, dressed and went to work. On the answering machine were two messages from the radio station. They were urgent messages desperately trying to reach me.
Why did they phone me at work? It was an early morning call and I'd gone out of my way to say, "Please call me at home". Surprised, I sent off an email apologising and explaining I'd been waiting at home. I asked why I’d been called at work.
Back came the reply, "I thought you worked from home, so I called your work number."
Why would he think I would work from home? If a man said to him, "Call me at home", would he have presumed he worked from home and called him on his work number? No!
This seems to be a recurring theme for me. The number of men who think that because I'm a woman I work from home astounds me. It also annoys me. I consider it sexist. The crucial question here is, will I let it wear away at my self esteem? I was concerned that if I got annoyed, it would be more likely to wear away my self esteem than if I brushed it off.
I started thinking about all the other times it had happened.
I remember one vividly. I was coaching a very senior male executive. He was in a large organisation and the second in charge. At the end of the session he said to me "When you get home can you send me a copy of that document?" I looked at him perplexed. "Why do you want me to do that from home? Why do you want to wait?"
"Well, as you work from home ... " he continued.
I got quite irritated and he got a lecture! "I do not work from home. I have an office suite, just like you do. Would you assume, if I were a man, that I worked from home? No! I said I was going back to my office. I'll send you the document from there."
"I thought you said you were going straight back to your office?" "Yes, I am."
He was a bit taken aback. It's not as though I often give my clients lectures like this! I was surprised too that he had found a dent in my self esteem.
I have no issues with whether we as women work from home, down the beach or in a corporate office. What I do have an issue with is the assumption that we, or at least I, as a woman automatically work from home.
Why does it irritate me? Because, I see it as a sign that I am not taken as seriously as my male counterparts. Yes, that's the issue. I think, rightly or wrongly, that they think my work is just an add on at home and not something worthwhile in its own right.
Also, I am bothered because the same conversations would not occur between two men. It would be assumed that a man's office would be in the corporate strip, so why not mine?
But hang on though. It’s far more important that I maintain a high self esteem, isn't it? It's not worth getting annoyed about.
How can I respond in future? I've finally worked it out. There will be no more lectures. No more irritations. There will just be a big laugh and the comment, "Nice idea but where would I put all my staff?"
I'm determined to keep my self esteem high despite any implied or overt sexism.
What happens to your self esteem in the face of such comments? Don't let them bring your self esteem down either.
How will you keep your self esteem high?
Editor
Reader Comments (3)
For example, when I was married an issue around money would crop up now and again. My husband was a successful manager of major companies. He was excellent at his job. When it came to managing our home accounts he was not as successful. I'd been put down by teachers at school for my poor mathematical ability and I had a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem in this area. However, I did have a sense of how much money we had, an innate sense, and I was prudent. There were a number of times when I could estimate how much we had left in the bank more accurately than he could.
However, in his eyes, I was only a woman and only a teacher, and I wasn't as good as he was. Despite my getting top marks in high school I learnt from him that I wasn't competent. In the end his attitude destroyed my self-confidence and self-esteem because I came to think that I couldn't possibly be right. But I was right.
Then my marriage ended and I had a new partner. He is completely different. He says, "You are not bad at maths you just think you are". He told me I can do it and encouraged me to do it. If I hit a problem he encouraged me to keep going. His support and comments helped my self-esteem grow. I now run my own business successfully. I do the marketing. My partner and I write books and have them published. My self-esteem has blossomed. Men are not all the same, are they?
Michelle Denise.
http://www.egobucket.com
When someone says something negative or sexist to me this comment helps me:
“Pay no attention to what critics say. A statue has never been erected in honour of a critic.”
Jean Sibelius.
I laugh!
Rachel.
However, it doesn't have to be like that.There are ways to build your self-esteem and self-confidence back up. There are ways not to let men or women undermine your self-confidence or self-esteem. There are ways to ensure that if bullying occurs you get help to stop it from undermining you.
What matters is that you know what is happening and you catch any negative effects really early.
By the way women can be bullies and sexist too.
There are over 95 articles throughout the site to help you build your self-confidence and self-esteem.