Self-esteem problems defeat positive thinking.

Self-esteem problems overcome with positive thinking. It sounds simple but it may not work. Why? Because first you may need to break down the barrier. What barrier? The barrier that stops you from believing positive thoughts about yourself and that produces self-esteem problems. How can a barrier produce self-esteem problems?

It's explained really well by author and clinical psychologist, Mercurio Cicchini. Self-esteem problems arise, he says, because of our unconscious negative beliefs.

When these negative beliefs exist they cause self-esteem problems by stopping us from believing any good thoughts about ourselves. They put up a barrier in our mind against the good things people say about us and so we fail to improve self-esteem.

The barrier only lets through those same negative thoughts that agree with the bad thoughts we already have about ourselves! Even when we try to think good thoughts, the bad thoughts win. No wonder we have self-esteem problems.

What this means in terms of positive thinking is that unless we do something to dissolve the barrier good thoughts may have no effect on our self-esteem problems. Why? Because if we do have a good thought and it comes up against the barrier of negative beliefs it will be crushed. Good thinking on its own may not be enough to improve self-esteem.
 
What is the key negative belief that people have that makes it hard for them to improve self-esteem? Mercurio says it is:

The strongly held belief that unlike other people, they are bad, or flawed or stupid, or inferior, or clumsy, or unattractive (etc. etc.) and that this notion is really TRUE for them.

This is the barrier. Self-esteem problems arise not just because of a negative thought, we all have negative thoughts, but because of a belief that the thought is TRUE. The belief FEELS TRUE.

The fact is, though, that the negative beliefs are often UNTRUE.

What this means is that when people with self-esteem problems hear a positive comment about themselves, instead of it helping to improve self-esteem, they look for evidence to prove it is untrue or wrong or should be ignored. This is the barrier in action. They only see or hear things that confirm their negative beliefs to be true.

For example, someone may praise you for the good work you have done but if you have self-esteem problems with the barrier, you may say, "She is only saying that to get her own way."

Or someone may compliment you on your new hair style and the barrier of negative beliefs may say to you, "She is only saying that because she feels sorry for me."

The self-esteem problems come when you BELIEVE these negations.

Why does our unconscious let this happen? Mecurio says:

The pay-off or reward is that what we expect we get. We aren't shocked when bad things happen. The world and what happens in it is more predictable, and we like that type of security.

This barrier is an automatic process that you may not even be aware of at this stage. So how can you improve self-esteem? How can positive thinking help you?

The very first step is to understand the barrier. That's what this article is about. As you read it you are already learning information that can help you improve self-esteem.

The second step to improve self-esteem is to look out for the barrier and to develop your awareness of it.

The third step to improve self-esteem is to recognise the barrier when it is in action and to know it for what it is - just a habit. Also, when you do notice it - do just that - just notice it without judgement or criticism.

The fourth step is to allow in positive feedback.

There are more steps but this is enough for now. Understanding the barrier on its own is an important start if you want to improve self-esteem.

Are you aware of your own barrier? How does this apply to your self-esteem problems?

The book by Mercurio Cicchini is: "Let your true self shine: How to recognise and overcome the barrier that maintains low self-esteem." 2009.

I highly recommend it. It is short, easy-to read and a superb explanation of self-esteem problems that women can apply to themselves. Click here for his website.

If you want to hear how useful positive thinking can be for women with high self-esteem and self-confidence then listen to these CDs: Confidence for women in social situations.