Preparation fast tracks anxiety management

If you find it hard to talk to people, and especially strangers, because you are anxious or have social anxiety, there are a number of very specific steps you can learn to make it easier.

When you learn and practise the strategies to engage in social conversation, then your anxiety can reduce. Even if you are shy you will know what to do.

Of all the strategies that are available to you one stands out above all the others. It is something I have been practising for years. It has helped me be far more comfortable talking to strangers.

I remember the time when I used to find it really awkward going to meet people, especially at large gatherings and events.

I recall the time, for instance, when my friend had invited me to a book launch of his. I looked forward to the event but was a little late in arriving.

When I walked into the quadrangle where it was being held, my heart dropped in my chest. There before me where about 200 people already in huddles talking together. I didn’t know a single one of them.

My friend was nowhere to be seen. Looking urgently to find him, I scrambled through the crowd of people. When I finally saw him, he wasn’t able to talk. He was sitting up on a stage signing books.

I stood on the edge of some huddles for a while, but I didn’t know how to join in. What was I to say? How should I start the conversation? What would I talk about? My mind was blank. My heart was beating faster.

And apart from that I felt like a right dork!

After enduring this sense of isolation for as long as I could, I left. I decided no-one was going to notice whether I was there or not. They didn’t know me anyway. Home seemed far more inviting.

I drove home, relieved to have escaped so easily.

Or so I thought, until the phone rang that night. It was my friend demanding to know where I had been and why hadn’t I turned up at his book launch. Oh dear. How could I explain?

Well I tried. His retort was clear. “I thought you were a communication specialist? You’re supposed to be able to do this talking business. You’d better go and get some more skills.”

I spluttered about being good on the hard core communication skills but not on small talk. But it was stupid really, surely conversations couldn’t be that frightening?

I embarked on a campaign to learn all about them. I now know that when you have the right strategies, and you use them, conversation really can be easy.

What was the most important strategy of everything that I learnt?

Preparation.

I learnt to prepare topics to talk about before I was going to meet people – family, friends or strangers.

When I knew I had something to say I found it much easier to contribute interesting topics, information or experiences to the conversation.

My preparation involves a number of steps.

First, I will review in my mind all the things I have been doing recently. Otherwise when people say “What have you been up to recently” I usually go blank, and can’t remember! Or I say something pathetic such as, “Not much” or “Working”. How boring is that?

Instead, I remember the book I have read, or the TV I have watched, the people I have seen, or even just an idea I’ve been thinking about.

Second, I list a minimum of five topics I could talk about. And even better, ten. It may be the weather, what was on the news, my holiday, my work, the garden, or some aspect of the environment or political history. It doesn’t matter, you don’t know in advance what the other people will be interested in, so just having a range of topics is a great start.

It will almost always include something to do with sport, though. I have found that most people I meet in Australia, including the women, know something about a sport or two. I am a keen Aussie Rules footy fan so that also helps.

Prepare topics to talk about. Don’t just work out what to wear, how much you’ll drink or how you’ll get home. Prepare. In that way managing your anxiety will be much easier.

What preparation can you do?

If you want to become even more at ease and skilled in conversations and to chat to people easily, there is a very practical DVD, “Business networking: The skills you need”. Having the right skills is an important part of managing social anxiety.

Comments

[Jackie Gunner]

I used to dread going to parties or car club meetings with my husband because I thought I had nothing to say, and people didn't want to listen to what I had to say. Now that I am older I go to the meetings and parties and listen to people and I pick up where they come from. That's an opening to talk to them, especially if I have come from a similar place.

I also listen to what they do for hobbies, or where they work, and that is an opening for conversation.

Or, as an ex chef, if there is nice food I can talk about the food. I am no longer in need of any anxiety management techniques - I no longer have anxiety about conversations. It just doesn't exist.

[Kim Chamberlain]

I want to let you know about an email service I offer that fits in with your concept and can help people in managing anxiety around conversation skills and public speaking. It's a service that mainly helps people build their impromptu speaking skills by providing practice speaking topics. Each day Monday-Friday I email people two speaking topics (in case they want to practice with someone else) plus suggested ways to practice.
The service is called DITTY.

Details of the service and how to subscribe are on http://www.successfulspeaking.biz/sign-up/

Self-confidence can develop from this.