Self concept bone chaos
I’ve discovered that getting an unexpected medical diagnosis can be very challenging to my self concept.
When I was in my mid 40's I was running midlife retreats for women. As I often mentioned the need for regular health checks, I decided I'd go along for mine. While I was at the doctor's, I ran through a list of checks I thought would be important at my age. They ranged from sugar, thyroid and iron levels to a cholesterol count and Pap smear.
I was feeling fit and healthy and wasn't expecting any problems to be detected. There was a possibility that my iron levels were low, that's all. I'd had an on-going history of iron deficiency but was used to it.
I got a phone call from my doctor asking me to return urgently for my results. Something was obviously wrong, as she'd never done this before. She ran through the test results. "Your iron levels are fine, your thyroid is good, your ovaries are clear" and so on. It was all good, until the last one.
The last test we'd had was at my insistence. My doctor didn't think I needed it and neither did I. After all, I was energetic and active. However, it was mentioned in the retreats and I simply wanted to be able to report back to the women that I'd had mine done.
My doctor looked at me and said in these exact words, "Your bones are shot". My bone density was way below where it should be for a woman of my age who had not yet menopaused.
It was an enormous shock. I cried for two weeks. It was such an alien concept to me. It was completely at odds with my self concept. To be diagnosed with weak bones went against everything I believed about myself. I had taken strong bones for granted.
What made it worse was the concept I had of women with low bone density. I believed them to be old, really old, 80 or 90, like my mum. And stuck in wheelchairs in old people’s homes.
It doesn't mean that this was an accurate evaluation of the facts. I’ve not said my self concept has been built on a base of statistical reasoning, have I?
I went around saying "I'm not old enough" only "old women" get low bone density. "I can't have it, surely I'm too young? Anyway, why would I have it? I drank two pints of milk a day when I was a kid."
The challenges were coming at me from a number of fronts. I had built my self concept around strength and health. I had also built it around youth. Finally, I realised my self concept had been developed on mere subjective opinions and not on reality.
I had to get used to the idea that I could have low bone density. I also knew I needed to act now before it was too late. Before I really was "old".
In order to cope, though, I had to update my self concept and integrate this health hazard into it, in some form.
"Look at yourself in a mirror", I told myself. "Check out your age there. Do you look like a 35 year old? Do you have any wrinkles? Any grey hair? Look at your birth certificate when you were born. How old are you? How long have you been married?" I had to feed specific data into my self concept to update it.
I had to accept that I was getting older and was not "as young as I used to be". I had to also add in that I did have low bone density, at the moment. What I did was alter my self concept to become one of “getting over low bone density”. I was certainly not about to roll over and think this was how I was going to be for life.
Once I did this I settled and stopped crying. I then read and learnt about bone density. I devoured the literature on bones, calcium uptake, bone growth and more. Then I altered my exercise regime. I increased my bone boosting activities. I did part of the “Bones for life” Feldenkrais programme. I also altered my diet. I had calcium absorption tests. I made my own calcium citrate. I became determined to improve.
The next time I went for my bone density scans there had been a slight improvement. Yee ha! Two years later and I had returned my bone density to (just) within the normal range. Celebration.
Now, it has since dropped again to where it was, as I’d moved from a three storey house with lots of steps to one with only a single storey house, but even this is good as it means it hasn't got any worse and I am 7 years older. Now the battle is back on and the exercise has increased again. A strong self concept means I will not give in easily. However, now I feel good about myself even though my bones are not as strong as they could be.
Illness and trauma require us to re-adjust our self concept so that we can stay emotionally healthy.
Does your self concept need any updates?
Editor
Reader Comments (1)
To build up my self-esteem again and to strengthen my bones I was advised to join the gym. Even if I don't want to go I have to, 'cos I don't want to end up like my mum crippled, but when I have been I feel REALLY GOOD! I always imagine going to the gym meant there would be all these curvy chicky babes and there aren't! My self-esteem is fantastic again.