Panic attacks: No fear anxiety management
I never imagined I would need to learn about anxiety management for myself, but some years ago, I developed really bad panic attacks.
I would wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning with an incredible sense of dread accompanied by violent adrenalin symptoms. These included a rapid heart rate, nausea, violent heart pounding, profuse sweating, hyperventilating, and diarrhoea ... the lot. A full blown, firestorm of anxiety. I was also tortured by fear.
It is hard for someone who has not had panic attacks to understand this. If you’ve had them you’ll know what I mean, and I know many of you with social anxiety get them frequently.
I used to lie awake, desperate for the rooster to crow, as then I knew I had made it to dawn. However, they came during the day too. I lived in a permanent fog of fatigue. I would feel haggard, tired and washed-out all day.
I developed fear and panic about having the panic attacks. I became frightened of the anxiety itself. Terrified of it, at times. I was always on guard, on the look-out for any small sign that would signal another one. I came to hate the anxiety, I loathed it, and I fought it. I wanted more than anything for it to go away.
No, I wasn't anxious about anything. It was all without any apparent reason. They arrived "out of the blue".
I decided that it was no good sitting around being frightened of panic attacks or anxiety and that I would do whatever it took to get rid of them. I was not prepared to just sit and wait, nor to consider the possibility that this was how I would be for the rest of my life. No way!
Of all that I did to cure myself, there was one very important step that stood out above all the others. It was the key to my anxiety management and freedom from panic attacks.
I stopped the fear.
It was the fear of the panic attacks that was the worst problem. Not only did I have anxiety but also I had added an extra layer of fear on top of fear. I came to fear the very anxiety itself.
It was a bit like going to a fast food outlet and instead of ordering “A bacon and egg burger: The lot” asking for “An anxiety and fear burger: The lot” and “Could you add in an extra round of fear, please, no sauce, thanks.”
“Fries?” Do I want fries? “Of course, I’ll fry myself in fear. Thanks!”
I knew it was the fear I had to overcome. Why be so frightened of anxiety? I was making it into an even bigger monster. Trying to avoid the anxiety and panic attacks had not made them disappear. In fact, I think it made them worse.
Over time I learnt to stop hating them. I stopped trying to get rid of them. I started to accept them and was friendlier towards them. When I tightened around them, fought them, battled against the anxiety - it stayed and grew stronger.
I sent loving-kindness and caring to my panic attacks. I even said things such as, "Hello panic attacks how are you today? May you be happy today." I told them I accepted them. Sending loving-kindness to my anxiety really helped.
When I was kind and caring to my anxiety it eased, relaxed and left.
I was no longer scared when I got a symptom. If I noticed my stomach had churned I just noticed my stomach had churned. I stopped adding the fear, I no longer said “Oh no, my stomach moved, I am going to have a panic attack, oh no that is awful, I can’t cope, arrgh ...”
My stomach churned, that’s all.
If I felt anxiety arising, I just said to myself, “Oh look, here’s some anxiety”.
I have learnt to feel far more comfortable with my emotions and no longer to fear anxiety. It is just anxiety. It is the fear of the anxiety that is the biggest problem.
Once I let go of the fear, the panic attacks let go of me.
Do you need to let go of the fear of anxiety too? It is an essential part in successful anxiety management.
By the way, exercise can often help aleviate some anxiety symptoms. But what if you have have low energy levels? Find out how to get more energy on our "Energy for living" CDs.
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