Turning brain "mush" into self-esteem for stay-at-home mums.

Are you a stay-at-home mum who wants to return to work? Are you put off because you're sure your brains have turned to "mush"? It's hard to keep the neurones firing between the nappies and breastfeeding, isn't it? Mums who stay at home can experience a low self esteem because of this.

Take heart! Let me tell you about Ali.

She was a mum in her early 40's who'd been out of the work force for 15 or more years, raising her children.

She wanted to go back but had no idea how to go about it. She also thought because she'd been understimulated for so long that she wouldn't be a productive woman in the workforce. Self doubt was everywhere.

It's not an uncommon story. The longer mums are out of the workforce the harder it can be to return.

However, Ali was sitting at home one day feeling vulnerable and not knowing what to do, when she visited a website. A local community group was wanting an administrative assistant to help in their office. They were calling for applications.

Having no idea at all what was involved or whether she'd be able to do the job, she decided to apply. She figured she had nothing to lose. It was local and suited her interests. Without much thought about what she was doing she plunged in and applied.

However, when she found she'd been short listed for the position and was required to come for a job interview, her heart nearly stopped. "I have no idea what I'm meant to say in an interview", she told herself, becoming more nervous.

She went along to the interview and chatted away, although she wasn't really sure about what. She was asked why she wanted to the job, what strengths she brought to the job and what she knew about the job.

She'd never had to talk about her skills or strengths before and she floundered. She just talked about what she'd done 15 years ago. She didn't know much about the job either, but she supported the community group's ideals. She'd really applied on impulse. Why did she want the job? "To get her brains back", but that didn’t sound so important or valuable to the interview panel.

The call came that evening to say she hadn't got the job. She was told there was someone with far better experience and qualifications who was suited to the job.

"At least I tried", she said feeling dejected but all the same, the feeling of mush returned.

Two days later, she got an unexpected email. One of the people on the interview panel ran his own business. He had told her he had a position vacant in his office. He asked if she would like to come and visit the office and discuss the possibility of working for him.

She went, they talked. She got the job! She was amazed at how things turned out. She moved from mush to self-esteem on impulse!

What's even better, she later heard that the job she didn't get involved politics and unhappy customers. Given she didn't like conflict, she was happy she didn't get the job. Her job was so different, she became part of a happy team and had no complaints to handle.

If your self esteem is low after being at home, take a step and things can change in a moment. Apply for any job that seems vaguely suitable. Approach community groups, the not-for-profit sector, the business community, corporate Australia, anyone. All you have to do is to start the process and then watch where it leads you.

Staying at home nursing a low self esteem certainly won't get you a job, will it? What will you do?

Comments

[Jackie Gunner]

Here's a great quote from Virgina Satir about self-esteem.

Every word, facial expression, gesture, or action on the part of a parent gives the child some message about self-worth. It is sad that so many parents don't realise what messages they are sending.


Jackie.

[Fran]

When I was a mum at home I kept up my office skills. I taught myself various computer programmes, went to a couple of computer courses, etc. etc. In that regard my brains weren't mush. However, I do know of others who didn't do this and they have now been "left behind".

I also made sure to have interests (outside) that did not revolve 100% around kids and husband. In this regard my self-esteem was pretty good.

What did happen though, without my realising it for a long time was that the home and surrounding areas had become like a safe zone. I didn't need to venture out of the safe zone. On the occasions I did THEN I would actually have a bit of anxiety. Somewhere I had lost a bit of confidence even though I am a confident person. (If that makes sense.) :-)

Fran

[Penny]

I have 4 children. My way of coping when they were little was to study as well. After they had all gone to bed I'd slip into the study turn the computer on and escape into a different world. I even took my books into the labour ward with me! It kept me sane and kept my brain working.
Penny