Build self-esteem with affection
Build self-esteem in children with some very simple steps. For example, you can build self-esteem by simply showing your child appreciation, giving positive feedback or being affectionate when they talk to you.
I was brought up by a mother who didn't find it easy to give praise or show a positive emotional reaction to my ideas or conversations. She also found it difficult to respond to my need for affection. This made it hard for me to build self-esteem for myself, and I ended up with some aspects of a low self-esteem in my early adult life.
Here are three simple steps to avoid the possibility of low self-esteem in your child:
1. Give your children hugs, cuddles or physical contact when they need it. Even if you don't understand why they need it, physical affection can be very comforting and loving. Physical contact can be very affirming and good for all of us. It can help build self-esteem. Easy!
I know of one man who talks about the time, when at the age of 4, he wanted a cuddle from his mother and she said "You don't need one of those. You're a big boy now." He needed one. This type of negative response to a child's physical needs for affection can contribute to a low self-esteem.
2. Praise your child to build self-esteem. Your child doesn't have to do anything hugely significant to receive praise. They don't have to win an award, come top of the class or bring home a good report card from school. Praise can be given for tiny things. Your child may have been kind to his/her little sister, been patient, asked you for something nicely, given granny a hug, stroked the dog gently, held your hand … anything. Praise them regularly and often.
3. Build self-esteem by being positive to their ideas. Your son or daughter may come up with ideas that are beyond your comprehension, or seem silly, or sound unrealistic. This doesn't mean you have to put them down, negate or dismiss them. This may contribute to low self-esteem. Instead, encourage them to talk to you about it. Say something positive and encouraging. Reinforce what they say, "So, you think if we went to the park and climbed the trees that would be fun?"
Such comments can validate your child. It's okay for their ideas to be different from yours. I think this is what threw my mum. We were opposite personality types on the Myers Briggs and my ideas weren't in her worldview. (If you want to know more about the Myers Briggs, Confident Woman coaches in this area: "The confidence to be myself.") Thus, I grew up feeling as though I often met with her disapproval (even though I was loved).
Physical affection, praise, positive feedback can all build self-esteem.
What steps do you recommend to build self-esteem in children? Write your comments below. It is such an important topic. Please tell us what works for you.
Rachel Green
Reader Comments (1)
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it."
by Pamela Glenconner.