Self-esteem needs a thank you
Our ability to accept compliments is influenced strongly by our self esteem. And our self esteem is boosted when we can accept compliments graciously. How good are you at accepting compliments?
I have observed a really strange thing about women; well, many of the ones I have met anyway.
I wonder if you do the same?
They go to a great deal of time, expense and effort to look good. They've worked out the colours, the matching jewellery, the right shoes and the style of suit or dress. Beautiful! Their investment in looking good is considerable.
Then once someone compliments them on how well they look, or on their terrific shoes, they'll brush the compliment aside and in some cases dismiss them completely.
Doesn't this strike you as a bit bizarre?
We as women will say something like, "They're just an old pair I've had for ages," or "I've worn it before, it's nothing new".
Why not just say, "Thank you". Or even one better, "Thank you, it's my favourite dress", or "Thank you, I like wearing blue" or "Thank you, my grandmother gave it to me on my 21st".
Why cringe when we get a compliment? What does this say about our self esteem? What does it do to our self esteem?
Some women will do the same thing when complimented on their work as well. They'll have done a really good job and made a significant contribution to a project. When their managers compliment them their responses are dismissive. "It was nothing really", or "I was just doing my job", or "That's what you pay me for".
Why? Wouldn't it be more respectful to the person giving the compliment to thank them? When you dismiss the compliment you also dismiss the person who is being kind.
Wouldn't it also be more honest to yourself to acknowledge that, yes, you've done the job well.
The way you respond to compliments will influence your self esteem. Acknowledge your value out loud to someone else, when they have complimented you on something, and your self esteem will take note.
Do you want to have a high self esteem? Practise saying “Thank you” to compliments and acknowledging your own worth to others. It's an important step.
I talk more about the difficulties in accepting compliments with a 20 year old recruitment agent called Paraska on the “Confidence for women in social situations” CDs. She found it very hard to even say “thank you” but after practising with me she was finally able to say “Thank you” with sincerity in her voice! This helped her increase her self esteem.
In fact, after her session with me she went on to make some considerable changes in her life and got a new job worth over $20,000 a year more. It wasn’t only because she could now acknowledge compliments but this new skill did help build her self esteem.
What do you need to do to have a higher self-esteem?
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