Divorcee stops a lack of confidence in 1 step
A lack of confidence and divorce can go together. Getting divorced can be a dreadful experience and can shatter your self-confidence. This is especially so if your partner has left you for another man or woman, as it leaves you feeling unattractive, inadequate, and not good enough ... or worse.
It can hit particularly hard if it came as a complete surprise, you've been financially ruined, or left as a single parent looking after children. Having a lack of confidence after a divorce is no surprise.
Loneliness, stress, depression, anxiety, anger and bitterness may be just some of the other emotions that you have to deal with at some time, post-separation.
How can you rebuild your self-confidence? There are many steps you can take. After talking to Sue, one of the women on the "Confidence for women in social situations" CDs, it seems that one thing matters above all else.
Sue went through a dreadful situation and became depressed after a difficult break-up which left her with little money, two young children to look after and a terrible lack of confidence.
She worked through it to come out on the other side confident, successful and happy. It wasn’t easy and she tried many different strategies, activities and ways of coping. Some of them helped a great deal and some to a much lesser extent.
Some were big steps, some were little.
For example, one of the small steps Sue took to overcome a lack of confidence was to get a dog. I know this may sound trite but Sue is adamant, that when she got a dog and started taking it for walks, this was a turning point for her.
She had become very low on energy, and money was hard to come by. She had become withdrawn and very lonely. How could a dog possibly help?
The dog made her go out.
If you are lacking energy get Rachel's 2 CD set: "Energy for living".
How Sue's dog helped build confidence.
When she was out she met people. You've seen dog owners, haven't you? They walk past each other and start talking about their dogs! It became her way to meet people.
When Sue was on the dog beach one day, she passed another woman walking her dog in the opposite direction. Sue smiled at her and had the smile returned. It was a dent in her lack of confidence.
She saw her again and did the same thing. Then one day she passed this other woman and found her crying. She stopped to talk to her to find out what was wrong. The woman’s husband had left her for another woman. They went for coffee. Sue started helping her.
Over time this one smile led to the start of a friendship, which has continued and developed so that now this woman is one of Sue's best friends.
Getting a dog is not the point though. Smiling is not the point. The key is to take a step, any step to overcome a lack of confidence.
Divorce can leave you overwhelmed with emotions so that everything seems black and difficult. If you feel like this, what matters is that you take a step, a small step, any step towards a happier life.
This applies to any woman who wants to rebuild her self-confidence. Take a step. A positive step. One step can lead to the next step. There is no one right step that suits everyone – just start.
Don't wait to feel good. Don't wait for things to settle. Don't wait for things to feel right. Take a step.
What will your next step be to overcome your lack of confidence?
Rebuild your self confidence, you can do it.
If you’d like to hear the whole of Sue's story you can listen to Sue telling it herself, from the time she first heard the news that her husband was leaving her, all the way through her depression, to the steps she took to become her new, strong, confident and happy self. She is a delight to learn from and a very inspiring woman.
She is on the 2 CD set: Confidence for women in social situations: How to build your self-confidence and overcome a loss of confidence in daily life.
Written by Rachel Green. Professional Speaker | Trainer | Coach | Author.
Rachel is the author of the 2 CD set: Confidence for women in social situations.
Copyright Confident Woman Australia, 2010.
NB: This article is not provided as an alternative to obtaining professional advice from an appropriately qualified practitioner.
Rachel Green
Reader Comments (6)
For example, my Aunty, whose husband left her, just shut down and went into dementia at an early age of 60. I feel she didn't take action to support herself and just lost the plot.
4 out of 5 of my sisters have been through a divorce, and so have I. It is not a good track record I suppose, however, it has been interesting how each one of us has coped. I can tell you we are all a lot stronger from our experiences.
Shirl, my older sister, is a quadraplegic. Her then husband could not cope seeing her in a wheel chair so he left. She is an amazing tower of strength, however, she said that she could cope better being a quad than him leaving her - that was the most tragic. Shirley then went within herself and now is an incredible woman - working on an information counter in a shopping centre and driving a 4 wheel drive with a hoist. She drove me across the Nullabour in her car. Talk about Thelma and Louise.
My other 2 sisters were married to pilots and are going through divorces at the moment. One has taken up bowls, the other is being quite challenged, but it is great to see her sifting the sugar from the sand. OK it is a very tragic thing but most times women come out of the darkness of it all. I am pleased to say they are no longer with their previous husbands.
My mother divorced my dad after he came back from the war - somewhat damaged and an alcoholic - hence our not so great track record with marriages. Guess we had to learn the hard way about men and divorce.
My own divorce was 20 years ago when I had 3 kids under 8 years old. I had to take on a cleaning job to pay the bills. I hated doing that but it kept us going. I took up tennis at a singles tennis club. I look back now and say thank God I am not still with that man, I have found another one that supports me to the hilt. So come on girls let's all band together and learn from each other how to cope with divorce in a postive manner and keep our confidence.
Let yourself shine with self-confidence
Rachel.
Did you read Sue's story she says "The key is to take a step, any step to overcome a lack of confidence" after divorce. So take a tiny decision don't think you have to take big ones.
You might also seek out the help of a good counsellor.
You might even just call a 24 hr crisis line e.g. 13 11 14 (Lifeline) you can call them 24/7 in any state and territory of Australia to talk about any problems you are having.
You might also find SET helps release the emotional pain: look at this Youtube where I demonstrate it: I find it very helpful to manage anxiety and distress, for instance: http://www.youtube.com/user/RachelGreenCom#p/a/u/2/iTTnKNrC7GI
Mindfulness meditation can also help you sleep and find calm: http://www.confident-woman.com.au/happy-not-hassled/
Happy memories can help: try this strategy: http://www.confident-woman.com.au/confidence-techniques/2009/8/13/snap-shots-radiate-self-confidence.html
Our "Confidence for women" CDs can also help as the women on there have been through a lot too especially on this one: http://www.confident-woman.com.au/confidence-in-social-situation/ Two of the women in particular talk about how they overcame traumas such as divorce.
Keep in touch
May your self-confidence and self-esteem return in abundance.
Rachel.