Why low self-esteem sucks

Having a low self-esteem can make you feel bad. Low self-esteem sucks your energy from you and leaves you feeling bad about the world, other people and yourself. There's not much going for it, is there?

However, if we examine this statement for a moment I wonder if this is the right way round or not? Is it that a low self-esteem leaves you feeling bad or that when you feel bad about yourself your low self-esteem develops?

What is important here is that we understand the relation between our feelings and our self-esteem. They are very closely related. So much so, it is hard to work out which comes first, and exactly what happens.

For example, let's say I'm feeling tired and I'm pushing myself to get some studies finished. In my fatigue I begin to find the material I'm reading difficult to understand. As I become increasingly aware of this I begin to feel disheartened and inadequate.

Once I feel inadequate, thoughts start coming to my mind such as, "I never was very good at this anyway", or "I'm hopeless at this kind of thing", or "I've never done well with assignments before, I don't see why this should be any different."

As the thoughts develop the feelings can magnify, as can the fatigue. The final picture is one of my feeling dejected. Dejected not only with the assignment itself but with my own abilities in tackling such a task, and with my own sense of inadequacy.

Feelings of inadequacy are surely a significant component of a low self-esteem, aren't they? In fact, such feelings can suck from you any last sense of self-esteem that you have. But which comes first the low self-esteem or the feelings? Or do they occur concurrently? It would be interesting to watch ourselves to find out.

Feelings and our female self-esteem are certainly very closely related. This applies whether we are talking about a low self-esteem or a high self-esteem.

Could you, for example, imagine having a high self-esteem and feeling inferior? Could you, on the other hand, consider the possibility of having a low self-esteem while feeling competent, capable and confident? It's hard to imagine.

Why does any of this matter? It matters because if you have low self-esteem you're probably reading this in the hope of overcoming and raising it. Indeed, you probably want to feel better about yourself. When you understand the relationship you can get some idea as to what you may be able to do to build your self-esteem.

I am convinced that our feelings dictate how well we rate our self-esteem. Certainly, our thoughts are involved, what people say to us about ourselves influences it too, as do our experiences of success and failure. Many, many other factors are involved.

However, at the very core of our self-esteem are our feelings. If you, therefore, want to raise your self-esteem, a significant step for you is to start examining and managing your feelings. 

How can you do that? More about that in future blogs.

Low self-esteem sucks and so too do negative feelings about ourselves, especially when we believe them to be a true reflection of ourselves and our value.

How do your feelings influence your self-esteem?

Comments

[Rachel Green]

I found an old book in a second hand shop in Queensland recently on self-esteem called "Learning to love yourself". I doubt that it is still available so I thought I'd share some excerpts from it.

"Feeding her feelings.

Eating, drinking, spending, frantic activity, sexual acting-out are all activities that give us some relief from painful feelings. However, this relief is short term and the original feelings return when the medication (substance or behaviour) wears off.

Higher self-worth begins with the removal of toxic substances and relationships from out of life.

It's hard to grow something (someone) healthy and beautiful in a garbage can. The garbage has to go before growth can happen."

Book is by Sharon Wegschider-Cruse.

What do you think?
Rachel.