Motivated by love, should Judy give way to young, bright people?
I was 62 in March 2009 and am the Director of "Creative Regions", a not-for-profit cultural service provider and producer engaging with regional communities in Queensland.
I live in Woodgate Beach about five hours drive north of Brisbane. Bundaberg is my largest local city. I was born in Blacktown, NSW, the eldest of 4 children. I am the local butcher's daughter! Even after nearly 30 years in Queensland I don't know whether they would let me call myself a local.
I have travelled the world in search of knowledge and wisdom. Theatre is my great love but I always come back to the building blocks of things so have studied the body, its ways of knowing, and how we learn as human beings, especially through movement. That led me to Moshe Feldenkrais and a doctorate on the movement training of actors, which looked at the biological ethic of working with people in situations that changed them.
I have overcome a loss of confidence by identifying the feelings that accompanied this sense of loss. I have an abiding sense of myself as positive, actively engaged in community and motivated by love.
When I lose confidence it is when something disturbs this abiding state of being. When I can name the feeling that has taken me over I can usually talk myself through it and once I understand it, then I am free and back to myself. The process can take a couple of days. For me the feelings or thoughts associated with a loss of confidence are not always the same. It can be pride, it can be a shift in perception about what has occurred in a situation, it can be a lack of appreciation, a lack of remuneration, my own humility getting in the way of me taking my place in the world, or my sense of aging and the feeling that I should give way to young, bright people.
What has helped me build my confidence is tackling things that seemed impossible, and succeeding.
Being confident has meant I have risked putting ideas forward and acting on them. I believe that if I can see clearly how to do something I can do it no matter what the cost. It also means that I have taken on leadership roles and followed through, taking my team with me.
I stay confident by reflecting on what I do. I am only learning late in life to not only review situations for their points of failure or areas for improvement, but to stop every now and then and acknowledge that I have achieved something good. These days I even let the applause and praise of others in through my skin!