Develop self-confidence: Ten steps for everyday life

Develop self-confidence now for greater happiness. There are many confidence techniques to help you do this.

These ten steps have been selected from the interviews with 6 women on the CD set "Confidence for women in social situations and life in general". The women came from a range of backgrounds and ages and yet had several strategies in common for developing confidence. I have selected some of these for you.

1. CONFIDENCE is a skill you can learn.

Know that you can develop self-confidence. Confidence is a skill and it can be learnt in stages.

It isn't something you don't have or do have - it is present to varying extents in all of us. Don't presume that some people are born with self-confidence and others aren't. Don't think you are always going to be like this or it's just the way you are. Self-confidence is a skill that you can learn.

We have proved that women can develop self-confidence on the Confidence for women CD series. You can hear women being coached to greater confidence and then listen to their progress reports afterwards.

For example, one of the women, Paraska, got a new job after the interviews and a $20,000 salary increase! What you do can make you have a loss of confidence or can develop your confidence.

2. OLD habits die hard so you need to PRACTISE to develop self-confidence.

If you have been nervous, shy or lacking in confidence for many years then don't expect the good confidence fairy to magically wave her wand one night and for you to suddenly develop self-confidence. Instead, practise being confident. Practise whatever it is that will help you. Do this over and over again until this becomes your new habit. Without practice nothing happens.

3. NAG yourself to take a step towards greater confidence.

If your confidence is low and you can't decide what to do, what matters most is that you take a step, a small step, any step towards a more positive direction. Nag yourself until you take a step. A positive step, any step so you develop self-confidence. One step can lead to the next step. There is no one right step to start with - just start. Don't wait to feel good. Don't wait for things to settle. Don't wait for things to feel right. Take a step. What will your next step be to ensure you develop self-confidence?

4. FIND a role model or mentor.

Find someone who can already do what you want to do, someone who is confident already, someone who has overcome great barriers and succeeded despite them.

If you haven't a role model yet, the Confidence for women CDs contain interviews with an inspiring group of women - you could start with them. I specifically talk to one of the women, Monika about our respective role models. Who are yours? When you have role models and mentors to guide you, you increase your chance of developing greater self-confidence.

5. IDENTIFY the fears that hold you back.

Often people who lack confidence in particular situations fear something. For the women on the CDs a common fear was that of being rejected.

Noela, for example, was a teacher who was confident with her children but not with her colleagues. As a teenager, she'd had her confidence knocked by the "mean girls at school" and had carried a fear of rejection by her peers ever since. Once you know what the fear is then you can start managing it.

6. DISCOVER what helps you and do it.

There is no one way that will help you develop self-confidence. The confident women on the CDs used many different strategies to develop and maintain their confidence. What matters is that you find out what is right for you.

For example, Helena practises white light meditation; Shazhadi talks to herself out-loud through difficult situations; Monika writes long lists and prepares thoroughly; and Sue goes on lots of personal development courses. What is it that would most help you develop self-confidence?

7. EXPRESS thanks when you receive a compliment.

Several of the women on The Confidence CDs found it difficult to accept compliments but would hear negative feedback easily. This hurt them and destroyed their confidence.

I coached one of them, Paraska, to be able to accept compliments. It is quite simple, say "Thank you".

If you can't think of anything else you can always say, "Thank you, that was really nice of you to say so". If you dismiss the compliment or undermine it by saying, "Oh, it was nothing really" you are undermining yourself and the person who has been kind enough to praise you.

If you can accept compliments then you can develop self-confidence because you hear the positive things that people say about you.

8. NEW skills develop self-confidence.

Sometimes people put off doing things until they are confident. Don't wait for confidence to arrive before you do something - instead, get the skills you need and the confidence will follow.

For example, if you lack confidence in social situations then you could enrol in a course on conversation skills, or read a book about it, or start watching what other people do and copy them. In some way develop the skills so you know what to do. Once you've got the skills then your self-confidence can develop.

9. CHANGE your thinking - think positively.

Every time you say or think something bad about yourself or your situation you lower your confidence one more step. If you stay focused on what has gone wrong, on how bad things are or on how undeserving you are, then your confidence will go down again.

Genuine, positive thinking is crucial. There was absolute consistency across the women on the CDs that positive thinking helps them develop their self-confidence.

The way that they did this differed, but one of the women, Shazhadi, was an inspiring example. She was severely injured in a 5 car pile up on the freeway and ended up in the hospital spinal unit. She was adamant that you must find the good things in what has happened.

At one stage, when she was unable to roll over and had to stay flat on her back for months, she remembered two things. One, that her friends had been telling her she needed to rest and that maybe now she was finally getting the rest she needed. Two, she remembered a piece of research that said sleeping on your back was good for your wrinkles so she decided that this would be good for her wrinkles!

Her positive thinking helped her to recover enough self-confidence to return to driving. What do you need to think so you can develop self-confidence even more?

10. EQUALITY: Look upon others as your equals.

Time and again the confident women in the interviews would say that they looked upon all people as equal and that this allowed them to approach any person, without feeling intimidated and suffering from a loss of confidence.

Helena, for instance, a Greek South African, travelled the world alone for several years, and met many different types of people. She said she could talk to anyone, any time, anywhere because all people are equal. This helped her develop self-confidence even in new and challenging situations.

Do you view other people as superior, inferior or the same as you?

Click here to order your six Confidence for women CDs, now.

Your confidence is in your control, take the first step to develop your self-confidence to a higher level now. Take a step and grab confidence with both hands.

Written by Rachel Green: Motivational Speaker | Communication and Networking Specialist

Let Rachel teach you how to have the confidence to be yourself. Click here for more details.

Copyright Confident Woman Australia, 2011.
NB: This article is not provided as an alternative to obtaining professional advice from an appropriately qualified professional. Please seek the professional help you need to develop self-confidence.