Confidence skills for migrant women feeling guilty

Confidence skills are needed by us, as migrant women, particularly when we feel guilty. Why do we, as migrant women need confidence skills in handling guilt? Because we can get torn between our new lives and our old lives, especially if some of our family still live in the country we've left behind, many miles away.

If our confidence skills are limited we can get torn apart by the guilt and feel dreadful, confused and even "homesick".

For example, I was talking to a young woman recently who'd come to Australia to study. She was getting high marks and had been invited by her University to continue with further studies. She really wanted to do this and had the confidence skills to do well.

However, she did not have the confidence to manage a difficult family situation that had arisen back "home". She became torn between wanting to help her brother and wanting to stay on and study.

By building up her confidence skills she became more able to work out how she could continue to study AND provide some level of support to her family overseas. She found that meditation helped her to reduce her confusion.

Meditation can help us become more confident by helping us to develop clarity and see through our guilt.

Rachel is the author of the 2 CD set: "Happy not hassled: Using meditation to manage your emotions". She is an expert in teaching people who think they can't meditate how to do it. Click here to get your copy.

How my confidence skills helped me overcome guilt about my elderly mother

I have also experienced guilt as a migrant woman. I'm so pleased I've had the confidence skills to cope. However, the confidence skills have not stopped me from feeling guilty. It is more that they helped me to manage and reduce the guilt.

When I emigrated to Australia over 30 years ago, I left behind my sister and her family, and my mum and dad. I was only young and had no sense of how it would all play out. My father died after a few years, suddenly. I went back to his funeral and to help my mum and sister sort out his belongings.

My confidence skills took a hammering. I was left with an elderly mum who was now living alone. What was I to do to help look after her when she was 17,000 kilometres away? I felt terribly guilty about abandoning her and quite helpless. This put a big dent in my confidence skills and my guilt resurfaced.

I asked her what she'd like me to do and she said to write to her each week. She preferred it to a phone call. So each week I wrote. It wasn't that I was helping with the shopping or washing but there was something for her to look forward to each week.

She also wrote back each week. This was something positive to help keep her occupied. My confidence skills returned and my guilt eased.

Over time mum became increasingly frail. She requested that she move into an old people's home. I flew back to Britain to help my sister and mum find somewhere suitable. We moved her in. I had the confidence skills I needed to do this kind of very practical helping, but this is very different from the ongoing situation. How was I going to help look after my mum while she was in care?

I came to accept that I can't help her in many practical ways, but I can still help. I continued writing each week, but also looked for photographs, newspaper articles and magazine items that I could include that she could also read. I paid for a monthly magazine subscription that she would like too.

I started phoning her despite her initial discomfort with receiving regular calls. And I decided that I was going to make her laugh. Living in a home when you sit most of your time in a room on your own, can be very depressing and lonely, so laughter would help.

By drawing on my confidence skills I came to accept there is only so much I can do. I realised my job was to find out what I CAN do, even if it is only a really small thing such as writing a letter, phoning, or making her laugh.

Our journey as migrant women is to develop the confidence skills we need to help us balance the needs of the people we have left behind and our own needs in our new country.

Another Australian migrant I know, Sandra Irons, had an elderly mother with dementia in Britain. She dealt with her guilt in a different way. She had the confidence skills she needed to adopt an lonely elderly lady in a nursing home here. This was her way of reducing her guilt. I am now thinking of doing the same.

As migrant women we are faced with a continuing array of situations for which we need confidence skills. When we feel guilt we need our confidence skills even more.

May your confidence skills blossom.

Written by Rachel Green.  Professional Speaker | Trainer | Coach | Author.

A migrant from Britain in 1977.

Many people who lack confidence also suffer from low energy. Find out how to get more energy on our "Energy for living" CDs.

Copyright Confident Woman Australia, 2010.
NB: Any information contained on this site is not provided as an alternative to the obtaining of professional advice from an appropriately qualified practitioner.