Build self-confidence in coping with change: say goodbye.
You need to build self-confidence in coping with change when you move from one country to another. It is a huge change. Whether you have moved to Australia from Great Britain, South Africa, Greece, Germany or Vietnam the journey is a difficult one.
You need to build self-confidence so you can face many unexpected hurdles on the way, even when the same language is spoken.
I was teaching a "Coping with change" workshop recently and the issue of migration surfaced. I'd been explaining the three stages of change that occur: Endings, Transitions and Beginnings.
This is based on the work of William Bridges. I have used his work a lot to build my self-confidence when facing change. We began discussing the first stage: that of endings.
When we emigrate there are a lot of endings to deal with. We need to say goodbye to friends, family, and a whole way of life that we have understood and have grown up with. We may have to say goodbye to foods, rituals, social groups, jobs, policies and procedures, natural history, customs, officials, laws and even manners that are all familiar and "the norm" for us. No wonder our self-confidence can drop.
How we deal with these endings can build self-confidence, or diminish it and increase our anxiety.
There are many ways to deal with endings in a healthy way, so that we do build self-confidence and find change easier to handle.
Rachel is the author of the 2 CD set, "Confidence for women in social situations". You will hear amazing interviews with a number of Australian women from a variety of backgrounds, including Greek South African, Ukrainian, Polish, British and Pakistani. Click here to get your copy now.
Build self-confidence by not comparing.
One client I worked with had arrived here from South Africa. I mentioned my love of Australian wildlife. She exclaimed, "Wildlife? What wildlife? There isn't any. I'll give you wildlife, now South Africa has real wildlife."
She had not left South African wildlife behind. There had been no goodbye to South African wildlife and she was suffering as a consequence.
This lack of ending prevented her from adjusting to her new country. It stopped her from seeing and valuing the beauty in her new country. She did not build self-confidence, she destroyed it.
Of course Australia has wildlife, we are famous for our kangaroos. Sure they are not as big as elephants but this is irrelevant. They can simply be appreciated for what they are, kangaroos. Elephants can also be appreciated. Both are good.
My love of kangaroos doesn't stop me from liking badgers when I'm in Britain, but I don't compare kangaroos to badgers and think kangaroos aren't as good!
It is important that you do not undermine yourself, your ability to cope with settling into your new country or your self-confidence, by comparing your new country with your old country and finding that nothing quite measures up. When you think everything is better "back home" how can you expect to build self-confidence?
It is meant to be DIFFERENT, not the same. Otherwise why did you emigrate?
When you can appreciate the differences your-self-confidence and happiness can build and coping with migration becomes much easier.
While I have given the example of wildlife it applies to all facets of your new life.
Value your new home even if it is different from your old home. Value your new job even if it's not the same as your old job. Say goodbye to how things were in your old country and celebrate the difference. Build your self-confidence easily by not comparing. Just get to know things as they are.
You don't have to grow to dislike the way things were in the old country, simply acknowledge that they are no longer. Say goodbye. Mark the ending in some way.
Don't hanker after the old ways. Don't keep comparing and finding nothing in Australia measures up to your memories of the old country. It will damage your self-confidence if you do.
I know of a lady who emigrated here from Britain. She kept comparing the sky in Britain to Australia. She kept complaining the sky was so blue over here. In the end her constant comparisons undermined her self-confidence and she went back to Britain, because she couldn't stand how blue the sky was!
She never gave her self-confidence a chance to build, did she?
May you build self-confidence in your new country easily. With self-confidence and no comparisons change can be much easier to cope with.
Build self-confidence by closing your endings.
Written by Rachel Green. Professional Speaker | Trainer | Coach | Author.
A migrant from Britain in 1977.
Rachel is the author of the 2 CD set, "Confidence for women in social situations". You will hear amazing interviews with a number of Australian women from a variety of backgrounds, including Greek South African, Ukrainian, Polish, British and Pakistani. Click here to get your copy now.
She can also provide "Coping with the emotions of change" or "Sparkling with confidence" workshops or speeches, for your group, organisation or conference.
Copyright Confident Woman Australia, 2010.
NB: Any information contained on this site is not provided as an alternative to the obtaining of professional advice from an appropriately qualified practitioner.
Rachel Green
Reader Comments (3)
Actively getting to know a new culture, mingling with the locals and getting to know the new bureaucracy & way of doing things helps create a foundation that feels safe to stand on.
I enjoyed this article - I'm about to make a change so it's a timely read.
Rachel.