Self-concept: Three ways to know yourself.
Have you ever asked yourself the question, "Who am I"? If so, I wonder what answer you found. The answer you give will depend on your self-concept.
Our self-concept defines who we are and it influences what we do. A negative self-concept can lead us into self-destructive behaviours and abusive relationships. A positive one can help us succeed at work or be great mothers, lovers or friends.
What do we mean by self-concept?
Your self-concept is your summary of what you think you are. It is a personal thing not a scientific measure. You will single out certain features in yourself that you think are important and ignore others. You may highlight specific attributes or characteristics of yourself such as your physical features, your personality or your mental abilities. Your self-esteem is the value or worth you give to those features.
Is your self-concept accurate or holding you back?
For example, Jenny has a self-concept that she has small breasts. She evaluates women with small breasts as being unsexy. This lowers her self-esteem. She then lacks confidence when dating and is thinking of having breast implants. What Jenny doesn't realise is that when her breasts are compared to those of other women they are quite normal in size.
Sadly, your self-concept can lead to drastic measures when it's wrong.
Your self-concept can also relate to your role in life. What role do you identify with most strongly? Wife? Mother? Business woman? Artist? Sister? Gardener? Sex object? Leader? Dentist? Lover? Mother-in-law? Career woman? Grandmother?
The one you relate to most strongly will influence what you do with your life. I used to have an identity as a "worker"; this led me to become a workaholic. I had to update and expand my self-concept to overcome that issue in my life.
You can also include your personality in your self-concept. Does it matter how you describe your personality? Yes.
For example, if you have a self-concept that labels you as "shy", you may be unwilling to greet strangers at a function or party. If, on the other hand, you label yourself as "friendly" you may find it easy to meet and greet people.
Your self-concept also influences your ability to answer job interview questions, the work you seek and the type of relationships you attract.
How can I improve my self-concept?
There are many activities that may help you refine your self-concept. Here are three:
1. Discover your personality type.
I used the MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) to clarify my personality and self-concept. When I found I was the rarest of the types I suddenly understood why I'd always had a concept of myself as an "oddball". According to the MBTI less than one percent of the population are my type. That means that every 99 out of 100 people I meet are not like me.
As a result of learning about my type, I changed my concept to a more constructive list of personality traits that helped me identify and use my strengths. This has allowed me to have a clearer and better defined answer to the question "Who am I?". My strengths, weaknesses and interests are now listed more accurately and I feel much better about myself.
2. Ask your friends.
Ask a group of good, supportive friends to tell you three things they like about you. Compare this to your own description. If theirs contains new information add it into your own description of yourself. You could also ask them to write a description of you. If you write your own description too, you will be able to compare their concept of you with your self-concept.
For example, I once asked a close friend why he liked having me as a friend. I was surprised by his answer, “Because you have your own self-starter motor. I know that if you need me you will always tell me and I don’t have to guess.” I'd previously had no concept of being a self-starter but now I can see that I am. My self-concept has expanded and I am better for it.
3. The Feldenkrais Method.
Join in some Feldenkrais Awareness-Through-Movement lessons. I have done a lot of Feldenkrais work on my body and as a consequence I have filled in gaps in my understanding of how my body works and moves. Over a series of sessions, as I gained a more accurate concept of how the parts of my body were all connected, I started to move more easily and found aches and pains lessened.
Yes! Clarifying your self-concept can bring many benefits. Low self-esteem and a negative self-concept can undermine who you are and leave you confused. By gaining greater self-understanding you can stop self-doubts and develop a more positive self-esteem and self-confidence.
Have you re-evaluated your self-concept recently? It could be time for an update.
Written by Rachel Green: Motivational Speaker | Award-winning Communication Specialist | Confidence Coach.
Rachel is the Founding Director of Confident Woman Australia and author of 20 CDs including the "Confidence for Women" trilogy series. One of the CD sets in the series is: Confidence for women at work.
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Copyright Confident Woman Australia 2011.
NB: This article is for your information only and does not constitute individual advice. It is not provided as an alternative to obtaining advice from an appropriately qualified professional. Please seek the help you need to build your self-concept.
Rachel Green
Reader Comments (1)
I now see that as a strength and understand that I am more of a feeling type person than the rest of the family who were thinking type people. They tried to form a self-concept in me that was more like theirs. How has your self-concept been formed?
The more I understand the influences upon who I am, the more my confidence grows.