Self-concept, self-esteem and self-confidence have their photo taken!

Self-concept, self-esteem and self-confidence may sound the same to you. In fact, I was talking to a 21 year old this week who said, "What is self-concept? I have never heard of it?"

I was in a restaurant at the time, so we got the serviettes out and I drew a flow chart showing how self-concept, self-esteem and self-confidence all work together as a team. The teamwork can be positive or negative.

I'll give you the self-concept examples we came up with in a moment but first let's define self-concept, self-esteem and self-confidence.

There are many ways to define self-concept but here is one way.

Self-concept is your summary of what you think you are.

The self-concept you have is a personal thing not a scientific measure. When you define self-concept you encapsulate the core things that you think make you what you are. The self-concept you have can include many attributes including physical and mental ones.

When you define self-concept for yourself you will single out certain features that are important but ignore others. The self-concept you have may not be accurate or all inclusive. Also, how you see yourself may not be how others see you. Their concept of you may include different features and characteristics.
 
What is the relationship between self-concept and self-esteem? When you define self-concept you list attributes or characteristics. Self-esteem is how you feel about those attributes. Self-esteem is the value or worth you give to those features.

Let me clarify the difference between self-concept and self-esteem by giving an example.

Two people may define self-concept by listing the same characteristic, e.g. grey hair. However, the value or reaction they give to their grey hair may be very different.

One may think grey hair is valuable as it signifies wisdom, maturity and being an elder. This contributes to high self-esteem.

The other may dislike her grey hair and think it shows she's getting too old, unattractive and is no longer valued by society. This contributes to low self-esteem.

Okay, if this is self-concept and self-esteem, what about self-confidence? Your self-confidence is influenced by both your self-concept and self-esteem. Your self-confidence is your feeling about your ability to function given your attributes and the value you place on them.

If you place value on your grey hair you may have lots of self-confidence walking into an executive meeting of middle-aged men. In contrast, if you have low self-esteem and grey hair you may lack confidence walking into a group of younger women.

If, when you define self-concept for yourself, your hair colour is not on your list of features then the colour of your hair is unlikely to have a significant impact on your self-esteem or self-confidence.

Let's look at two more examples.

Imagine you have a teenage son. How does he define self-concept? He may include penis size on his list of attributes. In fact, his self-concept may include "a small penis". The fact that the scientific literature on penis size shows that there is little variation does not matter, it is his self-concept judging it to be small or large that makes the difference.

He may then place a negative value on men who have a small penis and have low self-esteem about his genitals. He may then lack confidence when dating girls. Self-concept, self-esteem and self-confidence work as a team.

Here is a second example to show the relationship between self-concept, self-esteem and self-confidence.

A woman has a big nose listed on her self-concept. She does not care what people think of it and she considers it to be part of her family heritage, and she has high self-esteem.

When asked if will she have her photograph taken, she says "Yes" and smiles with self-confidence.

How many women do not like having their photograph taken? Many. How do you think they define self-concept for themselves? What's on their list of attributes and what value have they placed on these attributes?

Maybe the relationship between self-concept, self-esteem and self-confidence goes something like this. "My teeth are crooked", (self-concept). "I am ugly", (low self-esteem). "I am not confident having my photograph taken", (lack confidence in front of a camera and she hides.)

Even when you have your photograph, taken self-concept, self-esteem and self-confidence work as a team.

How do you define self-concept?

There are more articles on self-concept for you, e.g. "My self-concept made me a workaholic".

Have you got your free Confident Woman E-book: "How to look good without cosmetic surgery"? It is free on our home page and in the right column on several pages.

If you want to boost your self-confidence listen to these CDs: "Confidence in social situations".

All of these can help you define self-concept.