Low self-esteem exposed!
Do you know whether you suffer from low self-esteem or not? There's a lot of talk about issues such as low self-esteem, shyness, self-doubt, a lack of confidence, limiting self-beliefs, depression, a poor self-image, a lack of self-assurance, and on the list of terms goes. But what is low self-esteem and how would we know if we had it?
All will be revealed, but first let's clarify what self-esteem is.
Self-esteem is primarily a feeling that arises as a result of your assessment or measurement of your own value, worth or regard. It concerns how you feel about yourself. Are you worthy or worthless? Do you feel good about yourself or bad about yourself? Are you happy with yourself or unhappy? Do you like yourself or despise yourself?
There is no perfect agreement among researchers as to the precise definition of self-esteem. However, the Oxford English dictionary defines self-esteem as the extent to which a person has "a favourable appreciation or opinion of oneself".
I believe that a high self-esteem is an overall and well established feeling of self-worth, a sense of satisfaction with who you are and a positive sense of your value and worthiness. This is my definition anyway!
A low self-esteem is the opposite. If you have a low self-esteem you would most likely have deep-rooted, negative feelings about yourself centred on feelings of unworthiness. You feel bad about yourself and have an overall negative opinion of yourself.
For example, if you have low self-esteem you might feel or do some of the following:
- Put yourself down and be frequently self-critical.
- Feel bad about yourself.
- Feel unworthy of receiving love.
- Be afraid to step outside your comfort zone.
- Expect to fail.
- Have suicidal thoughts or behaviours.
- Be filled with self-doubt.
- Feel a sense of shame, guilt or anxiety.
- Fail to speak up for yourself.
- Feel unimportant or insignificant.
- Think you don't matter.
- Dislike yourself.
- Apologise for yourself a lot.
- Not accept anything less than perfection in yourself.
- Suffer from self-hate or self harm.
- Think you're "not good enough".
- Feel lonely, isolated and unwanted.
- Neglect yourself.
- Blame yourself when things go wrong.
- Use words such as "stupid, dumb, crazy, hopeless, ugly, unlovable", or a "loser" to describe yourself.
Obviously the duration and frequency with which these occur will determine whether you have a low self-esteem or not.
For example, everyone has self-doubts from time to time but not everyone who has self-doubt has a low self-esteem. In low self-esteem, the self-doubt is likely to pervade many areas of your thinking, feelings and behaviours, be long lasting and entrenched.
In contrast, someone with a higher self-esteem may just have self-doubt in one or two skill sets or areas of their lives.
However, it is not quite so simple, as some of these aspects may also be associated with other problems, such as depression. When this is the case it is important to receive specialist help so that you know exactly what is happening and you can receive the best possible treatment.
We'll discuss, in other blogs, the impact that low self-esteem may have on you and other women and it may surprise you. It may not be what you think!
In summary, overall self-esteem is primarily to do with how negatively or positively you feel about yourself in general.
How high or low is your self-esteem? It would be good for you to take a baseline measurement now so you have something to compare yourself to in 3 or 6 months time, when you may well have boosted your self-esteem. Feelings can, after all, change and are not permanent.
How do you know what level of self-esteem you have?
Editor
Reader Comments (4)
You'll get battered listening to others and become like a Russian doll spinning round - it is exhausting. Your truth is your reality, go for it.
Hera Sandison, Author of "Handwriting Secrets and Your Success", Adelaide.
I think that sometimes what we listen to are the things that have been said to us when we were small children and we now repeat these to ourselves inside our own heads.
So it is not always that someone outside is still saying something to us but that we are telling ourselves the negative things. We need to develop the self-awareness of this as a first step maybe?
What do you think?
Rachel.
Garbage Messages
(Messages that make us feel bad and unloved)
• Don't say anything if you can't say something nice (Hide true feelings)
• Family business is private business (Don't trust)
• Work first, play later (What you do is more important than who you are)
• Boys don't cry (Men should always be strong)
• Women shouldn't get angry (Women should cover up angry feelings)
• Don't speak unless spoken to (Spontaneity is wrong)
• Don’t talk about sex (There is something wrong with bodies)
• You made your bed, now lie in it (There is no room for mistakes)
• Anything worth doing is worth doing well (Strive for perfectionism in everything)
• Money doesn't grow on trees (Watch whatever you spend)
• You can do better (What you are doing is not good enough)
• I told you so … (You should have listened and did what I said. I am right and you are wrong)
• Don't hang your dirty linen in public (Don't talk and don't ask for help)
• Blood is thicker than water (Family loyalty comes first whether or not it is deserved)
Do you know any of these in your own life?
Let's beat low self-esteem.
Rachel.
An example of distorted perception of ourselves and how we can be too self critical is when i had a staff review where we played a game about our strengths and weakness and had to write down then verbalise a weakness while your team wrote and verbalised a strength about you. I said that I was disorganised yet the thing all my staff had written about me was how organised I am - funny that!!
Layle Ward Owner, Bounce Hair Body Beauty http://www.bouncehair.com.au