Assertive confidence skills guarantee results

There are many different ways to approach confidence skills and assertion skills for women.

First though, I'd like to suggest we create a list of actions and skills that a woman with self-confidence may demonstrate. This will give us a clearer idea as to why she may chose to be assertive, what she'll do and the confidence skills she needs. Then we can check the list against ourselves and find out how confident we really are.

Here is an initial list of twenty to consider. You might like to tick off those that you do and those that you could work towards doing. If you want to include any other features that you also think are important, let us know.

What does a woman with self-confidence do? She:

1. Knows herself and is willing to look inside herself.
2. Acknowledges her weaknesses and failures.
3. Acknowledges her strengths and skills.
4. Can talk about herself comfortably.
5. Respects herself AND respects others.
6. Makes positive choices and does not just operate through habit.
7. Takes self responsibility.
8. Cares for herself AND cares for others.
9. Works through her problems.
10. Knows how she is feeling.
11. Is willing and keen to learn.
12. Self evaluates using her own values and criteria.
13. Asks for and listens to help and advice.
14. Can say no easily and respectfully.
15. Can voice her own opinion.
16. Stands up for herself.
17. Spends time with positive nurturing people.
18. Has the courage to fail and the courage to succeed.
19. Is willing to follow her dreams even if others don’t approve.
20. Chooses happiness.

There is plenty more to learn on this topic. Often the hardest people to be assertive with are the ones who manipulate or make snide remarks or are intimidating you. Do you find this difficult? If so, click here to grab a copy of Rachel's great CD set: "How to deal with difficult people without getting upset".

Confidence skills guarantee results - explained.

Each of these is a large topic on its own. What I want to convey, though, is that self-confidence and confidence skills can lead to certain actions.

I also want to show that self-confidence is not about being aggressive or nasty to other people. Being confident does not mean being bitchy, selfish or cocky. Far from it.

Women with self-confidence have assertion skills that allow respect for themselves PLUS respect for other people.

Being assertive and having self-confidence means there is a balance. You have respect for self and respect for others.

In contrast, being aggressive is putting yourself ahead of everyone else.

Without confidence skills you may be timid and putting yourself behind everyone else.

Some women have got confused about this. In their attempts to be assertive and stand up for themselves they have become aggressive, and at times unnecessarily so.

They push themselves to be the first and leave others in their wake. They may be blunt, demanding or rude. They may also be harsh, sarcastic or belittling. This is not what confidence skills are for.

How often do we really need to say, “Which part of NO don’t you understand?” This is aggressive.

"Thank you, no” is assertive.

“I was wondering, maybe, whether you would mind awfully if we didn’t”, is timid!

Being assertive can be done firmly AND with warmth, at least most of the time.

How do you sound? Assertive, aggressive or timid? Do you have the confidence skills you need?

Written by Rachel Green.  Professional Speaker | Trainer | Coach | Author.

Rachel is the author of the 2 CD set: "Confidence for women at work". Click here to get your copy so you too can have the confidence techniques you need to be assertive.

Rachel can also provide you and your staff with seminars on "Assertion skills".  Book her now: rachel@confident-woman.com.au

Copyright Confident Woman Australia, 2009.
NB: Any information contained on this site is not provided as an alternative to obtaining psychological advice from an appropriately qualified practitioner.

Comments

[Alana Di Labio]

Very helpful and informative!
Alana :)