Gain self-confidence: How to say "No" to alcohol
"Gain self-confidence - say no to alcohol" would be an interesting billboard in Australia, wouldn't it? Many of us drink alcohol, and drink it regularly, so it would seem unusual to want to gain self-confidence in not drinking.
However, there are several times in your life when you may promise to cut down or give it up. You may be pregnant, over-weight or drinking too much, for instance. Or it may be a New Year's resolution made for the sake of your health, financial status or driving licence.
If you do want to give it up, it won't necessarily be easy unless you gain self-confidence in saying "No". You are likely to be put under pressure from everyone else who is drinking.
You will be offered drinks. You will see drinks. You will smell alcohol. Alcohol will be served at parties you attend, at restaurants you visit and during celebrations you may be involved in. That's why it's so important to gain self-confidence in saying "No".
When you gain self-confidence in saying no to alcohol it will give you an increased chance of keeping your promises. When you gain self-confidence in saying "No" to alcohol then you will feel better about yourself. When you gain self-confidence in saying no then your health, happiness and relationships may all benefit.
Gain self-confidence - Four key ways to say no to alcohol.
Gain self-confidence in saying "No" - Tip 1: Prepare set-lines in advance.
You know that you'll be asked if you'd like a drink, especially when you go out. Before you go decide on your answers. Have a pre-prepared line that you can trot out whenever anyone asks you.
A simple "No thanks," is a good start but may not be sufficient in our alcohol fueled country. You may need something as a follow-up line. "No thanks, I don't drink", "No-thanks, I'm not drinking tonight, I'm driving", or "No thanks, I'm allergic to it".
Once you gain self-confidence the lines can be funnier, e.g. "No thanks, I'm allergic to it and I don't like the vomiting afterwards". However, they don't need to be, if you think managing humour and saying no at the same time are a bit too much.
These lines are simple straightforward ways of saying "No". Keeping it simple will help you gain self-confidence quickly. The important point here is to decide IN ADVANCE what you will say so you don't get thrown, flustered or caught off guard.
Gain self-confidence in saying "No" - Tip 2: Have a second set line to deflect the persuaders.
Be prepared for the people who ask you why you don't drink. Or those who try to convince you of the health benefits of drinking red wine, for instance. They are out there in droves. The drinkers will try to convince you that you've made a mistake. You'll need to gain self-confidence in bucket loads to deal with them.
I used to hear so many lectures on the benefits of drinking when I first gave up, even from close friends, until I realised I was making it hard for myself. What I used to do was explain why I had given up. Oh no! That was not a good way to gain self-confidence, it was more likely to shatter it.
All it did was give people more opportunity to argue with me. All I really wanted was to blend easily with people and not be noticed for not drinking. I stopped giving any reasons.
Instead, I developed a second follow-up line that didn't encourage conversation and closed it. My line, in response to "Why don't you drink?" is "It's how I am, I suppose". It's such a non-informative line it works because there is nothing to argue with me about. It has helped me gain self-confidence.
Other more complicated lines I've used occasionally include, "I've got so much energy already I'd be bouncing off the walls", "I've never needed it", and "Have you seen me when I drink alcohol, it's not a good look, I get so depressed." You could also try something silly with a laugh, such as, "It's a family thing, I'm the only one still sane."
Whether you don't drink for health, religious or other reasons don't tell people why. It's not the way to gain self-confidence.
Gain self-confidence in saying "No" - Tip 3: Suggest an alternative.
If you're offered a drink suggest an alternative you'd like so the person still feels helpful and sociable. For example, "No thanks, but I'd love a glass of soda water, thanks". Or "Thanks so much, not tonight, but is there a glass of apple juice you can get me, please?" This keeps the other person busy and takes their mind off alcohol straight away.
I have gone one step further, I try to turn up with whatever I would like to drink, including herbal tea-bags! I always carry them in my bag so I can produce them in a moment, "No, thanks. I'd love a cup of tea though, and I've got some tea-bags here" and out comes a peppermint tea-bag. Make it easy for the other person, it will keep the fuss down and help you gain self-confidence.
Gain self-confidence in saying no - Tip 4: Keep reminding yourself why you're giving up. One thing that helped me gain self-confidence, was my husband drawing the molecular formula for how alcohol gets converted to fat in my body. Yuck! It motivated me almost instantly to stop drinking - as I wanted to lose weight at the time. Whenever I might have been tempted I remembered the formula. Gain self-confidence by knowing the science behind your decision and remembering it.
I hope you can also gain self-confidence in saying "No" to alcohol if you want to reduce your consumption or give it up totally. Think of all the money you can save.
It took me a while to gain self-confidence in sufficient quantity to be able to counter all offers of drink but it got easier and easier. Now I don't even think about it. Now, I simply don't drink, despite speaking frequently at conferences and functions where alcohol flows freely. My line there is easy, I say, "I don't drink when I'm working" and people leave me alone. Bliss!
What is your line going to be so you can gain self-confidence?
Meditation helps people manage the emotions that drive them to eat and drink when they don't need to. Rachel has a 2 CD set to help you learn how to meditate, especially for people who think they can't do it. Click here to get your copy.
Written by Rachel Green. Professional Speaker | Communication Specialist | Emotional Intelligence Coach | Author.
Rachel has taught assertion skills for many years and has used the skills in gaining confidence saying no to alcohol. She has not drunk any alcohol for well over twelve years and still goes to parties. She has been meditating for many years and is the author of the popular 2 CD set: "Happy not hassled: Using meditation to manage your emotions".
Copyright Confident Woman Australia, 2011.
NB: The information contained on this site is not provided as an alternative to obtaining professional or psychological advice from an appropriately qualified practitioner. Please seek any individual help you need.
Rachel Green
Reader Comments (4)
Michelle H.
Sometimes I think other people are personally challenged by it because it shows up their reliance on alcohol. It is easier for them to put us down in response than it is for them to face their own issues and habits.
It is easier to put us down than it is to accept their own dependency on alcohol or their use of it as a comfort, or to overcome loneliness, or to feel as if they belong, or because it gives them a lift out of emotions they dislike, or because it is the only way they know to feel happy.
When I remember this it helps me to stay gentle and compassionate towards them when they say hurtful things against not drinking, and it helps me not to be hurt or persuaded by their comments.