Confidence techniques: How to say "No" nicely
Confidence techniques are used by women everywhere to be assertive. How many times have you been asked to agree to something, and said "Yes" when you really wanted to say "No"? This is because you haven't had the confidence techniques you need.
In order to stand up for yourself, stay healthy and gain respect you need to be able to use the right confidence techniques to say, "No, thank you" nicely without being aggressive.
With the right confidence techniques you can stipulate your boundaries and stick to them when you need to, even if you feel guilty, are being manipulated or someone is being really nice to you.
Confidence techniques and saying "No" are not about being rude, uncaring or aggressive. They are there to help you to look after yourself and your health; and to have a quality life with self-confidence and self-esteem.
Of course, saying "No" nicely it not always the best way. Sometimes more aggressive confidence techniques are needed, such as if you're under attack. I am not covering this scenario here.
You're worth the same security that you give to your car, your house or someone else's feelings. Take care of yourself. Gain the confidence techniques you need.
If you want to gain more confidence techniques there are plenty on Rachel's 2 CD set: "Confidence for women at work", including tips on how to say "No" politely. Click here to get your copy so you have all the confidence techniques you need.
Five key confidence techniques to say "No, thank you" nicely.
Confidence techniques 1: Be caring and respectful. It is possible to start saying "No" by first saying, "Thank you". For example, you might thank people for asking you, acknowledge the difficulty of their predicament, say how thoughtful they are for considering you, and so on. A good use of assertive confidence techniques would be to say something like, "Thanks ever so much for inviting me, that's really kind of you".
Confidence techniques 2: Keep your voice pleasant. Your voice tone as you speak is important. Even if you are saying "No, thank you" keep a pleasant, warm voice tone throughout. It's easy to sound sarcastic, but this is more aggressive and can sour relationships.
Confidence techniques 3: Don't let guilt dictate what you do. Skilful confidence techniques mean that you don't always give into your feelings. If you feel guilty it does not automatically mean you shouldn't say "No". It could just mean you've been brought up to be a "nice girl" and to put everyone's feelings ahead of your own. Notice and acknowledge the guilt as your first step. Then decide whether it's warranted or not. If you are about to harm someone it is there for a good reason. If it's stopping you from taking care of yourself it may not be.
Confidence techniques 4: Be able to say "No" without justification. When you justify your answers people may pursue your reasons and wear you down on those rather than the "No". When you give reasons people usually keep on at you for longer. For example, instead of saying "I'm sorry I can't, I'm busy" you might drop off the reasoning and say "Thank you, No" politely. (Sometimes reasons may be needed but you need to be able to have the choice as to when you give them and not just to give them automatically.)
Confidence techniques 5. Stick to what you say and repeat it. If someone doesn't respect your "No" the first time, keep saying the same thing. For example, if you say, "That's confidential", say the same thing, "That's confidential" the 2nd time, and "That's confidential" the 3rd time. This can be better than arguing points. Usually, in my experience, after about 3 times people stop attempting to persuade.
Gain the confidence techniques you need and you will be able to choose what you do. Gain the confidence techniques you need and you will have more control over your own life.
Written by Rachel Green. Professional Speaker | Trainer | Coach | Author.
Rachel is the author of the 2 CD set: "Confidence for women at work". Click here to get your copy so you too can have the confidence techniques you need.
Rachel can also provide you and your staff with seminars on "Assertion skills". Book her now: rachel@confident-woman.com.au
Copyright Confident Woman Australia, 2009.
NB: Any information contained on this site is not provided as an alternative to obtaining psychological advice from an appropriately qualified practitioner. Please seek individual guidance if you need help.
Rachel Green
Reader Comments (1)
"As small businesses we have a reputation for not being able to say no. Closing doors on opportunities can seem like success suicide, particularly when income could do with a top up, but you’ll not achieve big hairy goals when you’re busy plucking whiskers."
Robert Gerrish, Founder of Flying Solo, 23rd Feb 2010
http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/p319857551_When-there-s-a-lot-going-on.html