Love letters: The answer to wedding day anxiety management

I'll always remember getting married. I'd been dating my fiancé for about 3 years and I'd been really certain that he was Mr Right. Then about 6 weeks before the wedding I started getting really anxious, worried that I may have made a mistake. So instead of focusing on my wedding dress I was managing anxiety instead.

My self doubt was very strong in the build up to the wedding and the wedding jitters escalated.

There were many things contributing to my nerves. What mattered more than anything was to try and get them to ease. I decided to start focusing on all the things I loved about the man I was about to marry.

I recalled the very first time I saw him. We were both attending a workshop for school leavers who were going to university. I was on my way to university for the first time. He was one of the experienced university students who had come to tell us what to expect and how to cope.

I saw him in a group of people, and took an immediate fancy to him. I asked if any of the group would walk with me to post a letter and looked straight at him! Fortunately he got the hint and he came with me. (How's that for a boring pick up line!)

Then that evening I fell in love with his hands. It was magic. It turned out he was a classical pianist. There was a piano in one of the rooms and he sat down and played for three of us, me, and another couple we met, Paul and Sue.

When I saw his hands play the piano with so much grace and heard the beauty of the music he produced, I was smitten. I'd not really known people who liked classical music before, all my other boyfriends had been into rock music.

As I relived these moments of love my anxiety started to settle. The love that I had for him burst anew in my heart and burnt up some of the anxiety.

At other times when my wedding nerves resurfaced, I would simply run through other memories of the good times we'd had together.

Then I'd list the things I loved about him.

• He was intelligent
• He had a brilliant sense of humour and was always making me laugh. I love to laugh so this was wonderfully bonding for us.
• He loved music as did I.
• He was energetic and enjoyed walking in the outdoors. So did I.
• He was passionate about natural history. I too delight in watching the birds, seeing the flowers and being with nature.
• He was kind to me and generous. For example, he would take care of details for me, buy lovely presents for me and travel from one side of the country to the other, just to see me.
• The first ever present he bought me was the most enormous bright turquoise soft toy dog. He was called Sammy. He was a much loved dog and I loved the touch of his soft fur.
• He would write to me if we were apart and even wrote two poems / songs for me. I'd get love letters though the mail and my heart would sing.

The list became very long. How could I not want to marry this man? By focusing on the wonderful things about my fiancé my wedding nerves settled to become far more manageable.

Focusing on the good things about the man you'll marry can be a lovely anxiety management technique to settle your wedding nerves and jitters.

What will you focus on?

Comments

[Fran]

What a wonderful story. It really gives us food for thought on where our focus lies. Thanks for sharing Rachel.

[Rachel]

Thanks Fran. Yes where we focus is very important. When we focus on what we do have and on what is good and going well we will be building confidence.
When we focus on our worries and doubts and on what may go wrong we are more likely to be anxious.
Blessings,
Rachel.

[Hilda]

My daughter got wedding nerves and I think it was because of the committment, she was just worried that she might be attracted to other people or go off him. She was also nervous because she had already been with him for 8 yrs and it was no longer as exciting as it was at first. So I had to explain the process to her that all the things she is worried about were normal. There is progression in a relationship and it helped her to know this, she didn't know that it is normal for things to change. The things that do change mean the relationship becomes a deeper friendship and this is good. She does love him she was just feeling insecure and therefore anxious.

Hilda.